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| i feel like such an idiot.... i know i only write in here when something bothers me... but it really helps me get things out without being judged... i jus need to vent... n hopefully i'll feel better... so it's been 7 months since john and i broke up... and i'm still sad... as much as i wanna move on i'm finding it really difficult to... today would have been our 2 year anniversary... and i'm still trying to figure out what went wrong... what did i do to deserve what he did... what he's doing to me... saying i'm crazy behind my back yet acting like he's really my friend... who does that?? do i really deserve that? i defended him when everyone was against him... i know he's not worth my time but for some reason i can't get him off my mind... i feel so stupid... so betrayed... i trusted him... he made me believe i could trust him..... | | |
| Gabe Bondoc
Hurt Me Again lyrics rm_songtitle = 'Hurt Me Again'; rm_artist = 'Gabe Bondoc'; You wanna be free
You wanna rise and fall like the sun
You say you wanna go but there's no where to run
So if you go and let your heart leave this place
What am I to do with all this empty space (yeah)
Somethings in life just cannot be
Why do one of those things have to be you loving me
Oh love
You hurt me again
Oh love, oh love, oh love
You hurt me again
Second after moment, after minute,
After hour, after day
I sit and wonder
How you could do someone this way (yeah)
So here I stand with my heart in my hands
Feeling like an ass
Cause I just can't get past
How you found someone so fast (yeah)
These thing in life just cannot be
Why do one of those things have to be you loving me
Oh looooove
You hurt me again
Oh love, love, love, love
You hurt me again
Baby, one thing that you fail to see
It doesn't matter what you do to me
Cause your everything I've ever wanted and more
I don't wanna let go
No goodbyes no, no
Oh looooove
You hurt me again
Oh love, love, love, love
You hurt me again | | |
| except for the fact that tin's dad passed away,
this past week has been sooo much fun!
i love the fact that i've been spending time
with people that i haven't kicked it with in years
since the bonfire that my sis and i "walked to"
i've been talking to mr important a lot more
that apparently isn't that important anymore...
we'll see how long that lasts!
lol
we've been kickin it every so often
thursday and friday we added in B and G
though glenn and i have been hanging out since high school
lol
and it has been soooo much fun!
i freakin love these guys
and i miss hanging out with them so much
thursday night we went to DnBs
and since B and his boy came late
ended up at the chalet
and i was DYING laughing at the jokes his boy made
last night we went to busby's
80s night with live band
xie, sara, and keith met us up
keith was cracking me up with his dance moves
B was waaaay too excited for the band,
learned the reject
and C fell on his ass cuz of "water on the floor"
it's ok the C!! if no one falls down it was not a fun night
i was trying to save xie's shirt from the drunk girl
with a full glass of alcohol in her hand
spilling everywhere
but i had no luck...
after busby's we ate at pinks
where B entertained us the WHOLE ENTIRE time...
musta been the seamless!
lol
after pinks C took me home
had a good convo wit B til 430
then fell asleep like at 6
lol
good times i tell u!
i really missed these boys!
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| what's that saying that goes...
if you love someone let them go
they'll come back if they were truly yours
and if they don't it was never meant to be
something like that
anyways...
i was jus thinking,
it's funny how a few of my really close friends
have been going through relationship problems (or break-ups)
jus like me....
and i tell my friends to let go
let go the BS that came with the relationship
if u keep going back ur setting urself up to get hurt again
yet i'm not really following my own advice
that's when i remembered this saying
one of my pet peeves is people not practicing what they preach
and i know i'm guilty of doing it
but when i notice i'm doing it
i try my best to stop
so now i am letting go
....letting go of john
....letting go of the feeling that we're getting back together
....letting go of the hope that he still loves me the way i love him
i still love him
jus like i still love vince
but i've let vince go
and i'm sure i can do the same for john...
only time can tell if it was really meant to be
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| OMG
it's been over a year since the last time i wrote in here
lately i've been reading ALL my old posts
and it makes me wanna write in here everyday
cuz there's stuff in here that i totally forgot about
and it's kinda funny looking back at what i wrote...
sOo,,, first lemme recap what i remember from '08 to now
(from my last entry)
last fourth of july i went with johnathan to big bear
for fireworks on the lake
and i remember how beautiful it was...
the night turned into drama
but ended up actually being a really fun weekend
left ENT cuz of the BS drama from santa and her lil elves lol...
then started working at SM Montessori
and i think it's really funny how in my posts before
i said i never wanted to be a teacher
but look at where i am now...
these kids are AMAZING
i don't wanna trade it for anything
johnathan and i broke up in the beginning of the year
and of course, heartbreak is always so hard to get through
but i know time is all i need to get over him
even though i still really love him
and i don't know what happened
i guess it jus wasn't meant to be
i keep thinking what would i do if he comes back
saying he wants to get back together...??
that he wants to work it out...??
but i've always told myself i don't break up to make up
if there was anything that was strong enough to break us up
then there's no point in trying to make it work...
('though in my opinion whatever we broke up over wasn't strong enough but whatever)
i am really glad that i didn't lose myself like i did when vince and i broke up
don't get me wrong...
it still hurts just as bad...
but i can move on with my life
and i'm still me
i'm really happy that johnanthan and i are still friends
at first i was still so hung up on him
i kept thinking we were gonna get back together
but the more we're apart,
and the more i think back on what went wrong,
i realize it's not a good idea
when we were together,
i kept thinking maybe we would be better as friends rather then a couple
it's still a lil weird for me to talk to him and see him
i invited him to my lil sis birthday last weekend
thinking he wouldn't come
but he did
and i must admit the feelings are still there
but he makes it obvious that he's moving on
and i know i should move on too
it's jus so hard!
ah well...
all i can do is take it baby steps...
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